New Ink from Rowling

Art by suetlilanglz

The Harry Potter prequel we told you about earlier has been posted online. Go here to read about James' and Sirius' adventures with a pair of Muggle policement. The story includes phoenix t-shirts, Sirius' flying motorcycle, and more James Potter cheekiness than anyone should be able to stomach (Oh, Lily, you poor woman). Some fan artist will draw something for it soon, but in the meantime, I've supplied a neat pic of the Marauders for you above.

I must say, the 800 word story feels a bit different from the Potter books. I suppose, for the first time since the opening chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in which we are in Vernon Dursley's head for a long time, the perspective is wholly Muggle. I think it was a good choice for this story.

I also must say that as the story loaded on my computer, I inexplicably danced around my kitchen singing "Billie Jean." Don't ask why. It's inexplicable.

There's also THIS. THIS new picture from the new Half-Blood Prince movie, in which Harry gives Ginny a sweet, sweet lovin' hug. Squee! Enjoy the Potter-y!

I'd Like to be a Weasley, Please.

Just want to take this moment to say how very much I'd like to be a Weasley. They're a big, raucous, Quidditch loving family, all red-heads (my red-hair obsession goes way back to Annie, Anne of Green Gables, Ron Howard, and Strawberry Shortcake), and charmers, all of them.

And this, this right here, is the sweetest picture of Fred, George, Ron and Ginny ever. Just sneak me in there between Fred (or is it George?) and Ron when Hermione isn't looking, and I will be a happy, happy Professor H.

Deal? Or no deal? There is no try...

Attention all fanboys! The Deal or No Deal models will don Stormtrooper armor and Princess Leia slavegirl costumes for tonight's two-hour episode of Deal or No Deal.

What is the male version of "squee?" "Squoo?" "Squow?" Yes, squow. Squow, men, squow away!

I, for one, wish they'd haul out a couple dozen Han Solo impersonators. Just sayin'...

Professor H.

Earth Day!

The Whomping Willow, and all of us here at TwiWizardJedi, wish you a happy,
healthy Earth Day!

We urge you not to fly your cars into historic willows (of the whomping variety, or otherwise), and to be kind to the Earth. You can:

• Recycle!
  
• Shut off the tap when you brush your teeth!
• Walk instead of drive!
• Plant something!
• Buy organic food and support your local growers!
• Unplug your electronics when not in use!
• Join the Alliance for Climate Protection

Professor H.

What Book Seven Might Have Been

Art by pojypojy

Dear Class,

I bring you a funny tidbit in which author Steve Almond predicts the outcome of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Obviously, this is not a new link, but funny nevertheless:

From Salon...

"I've read each of the previous books multiple times, and devoted most of the past year to sifting them for clues. To answer the Big Questions:

Is Dumbledore really dead?

Yes, though he is reincarnated as a newt.

Is Severus Snape good or evil?

Neither. He's got a substance-abuse problem. Toward the end of the book, he issues a public apology to his former Hogwarts students, goes into rehab, and emerges eager to launch a career in reality television.

Will Ron and Hermione finally work things out?

Yes. But not before some turbulence. Still smarting from Hermione's indiscretion with Viktor Krum, Ron hits his beloved with the dreaded Spell of the Itchy Sphincter. She retaliates with the Spell of the Asparagus Urine. Harry intercedes, dosing both of them with a philter that includes holy secretions from Oprah's adrenal glands. The lovers reconcile, relieve their epic sexual tension, and post the eye-popping results on the Internet.

Who is the mysterious R.A.B.?

An obscure wizard-rapper from Piggledon Province, whose theft of Voldemort's locket -- a publicity stunt -- backfires after he is shot in the throat by a rival, who runs with Draco Malfoy's posse.

Do Harry and evil Lord Voldemort finally throw down?

They most certainly do, in a 223-page rampage of blood, sweat, and potions. The action is pitched and plainly homoerotic. (At one point, transfigured into amorous bonobos, they tongue-kiss.) Having battled to a draw, they settle the matter in a most unexpected manner: a chili cook-off! Voldemort, allergic to the peanut oil Harry used to braise his tenderloin, goes into anaphylactic shock and perishes.

What about the death eaters, then?

Without Voldemort's leadership, they return to politics.

And Hogwarts?

One word: Disney."

Alas, I only got one prediction right on the novel myself. I guessed Snape was a good guy from the beginning (see artwork above and feel your heart breaking. FEEL IT!), but that's about it. I (wrongly) predicted Dumbledore's return, Ron's death, and a denouement at Godric's Hollow. As I said before, I'm no Trelawney/Alice/Yoda!

More wacky predictions from Salon.com here!

Professor H.

Link Lessons

Dear Class,

We've added a series of fabulous links to TriWizardJedi. You'll note that the three different "fandoms" are unevenly represented in the blogosphere. There are good reasons for this, which follow:

1) There are few Star Wars fansites. Lucasfilm has quite a tight hold on its copyrighted material. It just may be that this little (not for profit! not for profit! we own nothing!) site here gets a cease and desist notice from Mr. Lucas. However, the Lucasfilm approved sites to the right are quite good.

2) J.K. Rowling has been significantly more lax in controlling her material on the web. This very same generosity towards fans has landed her in this legal pickle recently, and is the very reason why the HP fandom has grown into such a sophisticated phenomena, as you'll see in the links to the right.

3) Ah. Twilight. There are a few good Twilight fansites, which we've linked to here. As you can see, the sites aren't yet as expansive as those you'll find dedicated to HP and Star Wars. Yet. Twilight fans are many in number, but when the new movie arrives later this year, things are going to get crazy. While I put little stock in Trelawney/Alice/Yoda-style predictions, mark my words--by the end of this year, Twilight news will hit the major cable networks, the fundamentalist Christian groups will begin decrying the moral turpitude of the series, and all those pioneering fansites on the right are going to have to buy some serious bandwidth.

Finally, and most importantly...

4) Giving. At the bottom of the page, we've posted links to good charities, and urge you to check them out. All three of the stories we honor here are about the power of love. Let us not forget that "it is our choices that show what we truly are...far more than our abilities" (Chamber of Secrets).

Professor H.

Meet Professor H

Professor H, at your service.

I belong to the generous and just house of Hufflepuff, founded by Helga Hufflepuff and home to the late, great Cedric Diggory (I hear he's been reincarnated into a vampire, but that may just be scuttlebutt...). The Sorting Hat got it right with me. Let me offer a scenario to explain why:

If I were to, say, wind up on the forbidden third floor of Hogwarts and run into, say, a three-headed dog named Fluffy, I would instantly wish for:

1) The Gryffindor courage to level my wand at the beast and fight it off.
2) The Ravenclaw brains to conjure a pencil into an enormous doggie treat with which to distract said dog.
3) The Slytherin sense of self-preservation which would lead me to fling Filch's cat, Mrs. Norris, at one of the dog's heads to ensure my safe getaway, and ridding the school of that horrid cat.

While I would wish for these qualities, the truth is that I would land in a dead faint at the dog's feet, and then, Merlin only knows what my fate would be.

This is not to say that Hufflepuffs are cowards, though I am of the more chicken-y sort. We are just and hardworking, and above all else, loyal to the ones we love. There can be no greater gifts that those.